Maleficient Review

Shadow’s Overall Rating: 2/10– For fucksake how did this movie make so much money? It was part boring, part nonsensical, and all around stupid. Watch this morning if you want to see a man-hating, bastardized story staring a villain who of course isn’t a villain.

Shadow’s Initial Rating: 2/10
Shadow’s Rewatchability Rating: 0/10– Never again

Rotten Tomatoe’s Rating: 49%, 5.7/10
Audience Rating: 72%, 7.6/10

Plot in a Nutshell: The classic Sleeping Beauty story told in live action and taking Maleficient and giving her all the important parts in the movie. Seriously.

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SPOILER-ISH Thoughts Below Because This Movie Sucks Too Much For Two Sections…

– This movie is fucking dumb. Whatever you remember about Sleeping Beauty just for get it now. Seriously.

– So Sleeping Beauty from my memory… King has daughter. Maleficient curses the daughter because she is a mean SOB. Fairies raise daughter. Daughter falls into deep sleep. Awaken by kiss from prince. DRAGON FIGHT. Dead Maleficient. Yeah… all that… FUCK THAT DISNEY IS CHANGING THAT BITCH BECAUSE… I don’t know?

– Instead, Maleficient just does EVERYTHING. Of course, she isn’t a “bad person,” instead she was wronged by some DICKHEAD DUDE! so its justified to curse a baby? Right? Oh and she adds the ending of the curse about the kiss. Oh and then of course, Maleficient ends up raising the baby because the fairy’s are incompetent as a whole and also VERY FUCKING ANNOYING AND MAKE YOU WISH THEY WOULD DIE. Oh and then also, Maleficient is the one who wakes Aurora up with a kiss and not some INCOMPETENT DUDE BECAUSE FUCK MEN! Seriously… instead of making a movie about a tragic villain… the made a movie about a person who plays all the parts of the movie.

– The plot holes in this movie are just fucking insane. One of the biggest… so this kid cuts off Maleficient’s wings after drugging her of course (damn dude you crazy). She is a fairy. So… she didn’t tell everyone what happened? The other fairies didn’t know what happened? They just willingly went to the King’s castle to bless this baby because… the fairies are stupid? Incompetent? Hate Maleficient and prefer to help a dude who drugged a fairy and cut off her wings for power? What? What since does that make?

– And the ending was just so fucking stupid. You have this basically telekinetic, super power magic fairy who suddenly forgets she has powers at the end when fighting all the MEAN GUYS! Oh and she DOESN’T EVEN TURN INTO A DRAGON! Her… slave? crow? does.

– And of course, Maleficient is such a savior that she doesn’t even kill the king.. .king basically kills himself on accident.

FUCK THIS MOVIE

– Most of this movie was actually spend with Maleficient stalking a young child and calling her names. Seriously. I want my dollar back.

 

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