The Expendables 3 Review

Shadow’s Overall Rating: 4/10– It lost all its charm, violence, and basically… fun. It was pretty much just boring.

Shadow’s Initial Rating: 4/10
Shadow’s Rewatchability Rating: 4/10

Rotten Tomatoe’s Rating: 32%, 4.8/10
Audience: 50%, 6.6/10

Plot in a Nutshell: Lots of guns, bullets, explosions, worn out phrases, bad acting, characters you don’t and won’t care about… with no charm and no blood.

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SPOILER FILLED Thoughts Because This Movie Isn’t Good Enough For Two Sections….

– Expendables 1 tried to be a “real movie” which didn’t really work but it had enough bad ass action (AUTOMATIC SHOT GUN! Jet Li! VIOLENCE!) to at least make it passable. Expendables 2 said FUCK THIS and went full on not give a shit mode with ridiculous violence and ridiculous scenes which basically worked (for me anyway) and made a pretty damn fun movie. Plus had a bunch of old school actors having fun.

Expendables 3 had none of those qualities. The bloodless violence felt… wrong. The movie was simply way too clean. E3 tabled the old school guys you actually cared about and put in a bunch of new actors you don’t care about (some of them are not even actors) for huge chunks of the movie. The movie was just boring.

– The PG13 rating made this movie look ridiculous. People were getting shot (even with an automatic shot gun!), necks were getting sliced, people getting stabbed… no blood. It was so fucking stupid.

-The first part of the movie was actually just fine. The addition of Wesley Snipes was gold. His character was great and he fit in just fine with the rest of the old farts. Once the movie transitioned to adding in the “new” Expendables… the movie got fucking boring and stupid.

– The other old timer additions served their purpose as well. Harrison Ford was a fine replacement for Bruce Willis. Kelsey Grammar fit his role. And Antonio Banderas character had charm and would have fit in perfectly with the old fart club.

– It was the addition of the new guys which fucking torpedoed this movie. They were cliche as hell, horrible actors (jesus Rousey), and just plain fucking useless. It would be one thing if this movie infused some young blood by actually using young actors who were you know… good and known but shelving the old farts we care about for a boxer, a womans mma fighter, some dude from twilight and a couple dudes I have no idea who they hell they even are? Da fuck?

– I haven’t touched on Mel Gibson yet… he was more than adequate although I thought the ending was stupid as fuck. He was pretty much the same character as JVD in Expendables 2 except more crazy and less limber. He wasn’t really given much to do in this movie besides be crazy.

– Sidelining Terry Crews in the first act of the movie… GOD DAMNIT WHY! That dude is epic and fits these movies to a tea. Why not shoot Randy Couture or some shit? Fuck man. Crew’s automatic shotgun in Expendables 1 is the best part of the movie by far.

– More dumb decisions… bringing in Jet Li (YES!)… and then letting him do zero martial arts stuff. WTF? You don’t bring in Jet Li to sit on a helicopter and shoot guns. We want to see him kick ass! WTF!!!!

– One more criticism that hurts my heart the most… god damn it Arnold just stop. This is just getting fucking sad at this point. “GET TO THE CHOPPA” NO NO NO NO! Don’t you tarnish Predator with this shit. All Arnold has done since he stopped being Governator is make poop movies, look flabby, and drop one liners in movies like this that are getting old. In Expendables 2, it had some charm because the whole movie was hammy as hell on purpose. In this movie? It just felt corny as hell and like a last grasp of trying to stay relevant.

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