The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies Review

Shadow’s Overall Rating: God Status— A fitting ending to the Hobbit Trilogy, featuring epic large scale battles and epic small fights before hitting you right in the feels.

Shadow’s Theatrical Rating: God Status
Shadow’s Rewatchability Rating: God Status

Rotten Tomatoe’s Rating: 61%, 6.3/10
Audience: 81%, 8.2/10

Plot in a Nutshell: Now that Thorin has reclaimed Erebor, others want what is inside the mountain… elves, men, and legions of orcs lead by Azog. Plus… Sauron must be dealt with in Dol Goldur.

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Spoiler FREE Thoughts…

– This was a very, very fitting end to the Hobbit Trilogy. What the first two Hobbit movies lacked in large scale battles, this one made up for it all in one go around. The last say… 45? minutes of the movie involved the actual Five Army battle. And that isn’t counting Smaug going to Lake Town or the White Council showing up in Dol Goldur to help Gandalf. This movie is (slight exaggeration) two hours of action.

– The epic, large scale battle stuff was expected to be great (it was). However, the one vs one stuff this movie featured were EPIC and leagues above the one v one stuff in the LotR series. Well, to be fair, there wasn’t much of that in LotR (Aragorn’s epic fight with the Uruk hai in Fellowship excluded) but it was a nice touch. Despite having battles for a long running time, it never felt stale.

– This movie was much, much more emotional than any of the previous Middle Earth movies. MUCH MUCH more so. We have seen death in the LotR trilogy (Boromir, Theoden, that Elf at Helm’s Deep) and Frodo leaving Middle Earth might hit you in the gut a little bit, but holy fuck this movie stuck a spear in your gut and twisted it over and over again.

– It was nice to see Elrond, Saruman, and especially Galadriel kick some fucking ass. The Lady is one of the most powerful beings on Middle Earth… EVER and it was nice to finally see that. Saruman kicking ass like he is Neo… YES!

– One thing I wanted them to show was the contrasting battle styles of Dwarves and Elves and we definitely got that. On another note, Dane was a boss.

– There was a hell of a lot more focus on Legolas than I would have guessed.

– The character designs on the orcs and trolls were fucking ON POINT. Some of them looked like stuff Del Torro would come up with. Really cool and interesting.

– The CGI was great in 99% of the movie but every once in a while it looked… awful? in spots. Everyone once in a while it would just throw you out of the experience. I name those spots below the jump.

– WAR ANIMALS YES!

– I haven’t talked much about Bilbo despite him being the “main” character of the whole thing. He was played perfectly and I have absolutely no complaints about him at all. Played a pivotal role and it nearly mirrored the book. He just gets a bit overshadowed due to HOLY FUCK SO MUCH FIGHTING AND ACTION!

– All in all… probably the best of the Hobbit trilogy, although I need to see the extended version next November (this was the shortest LotR movie yet) to confirm. I would still probably say every one of the LotR movies were better than everyone of the Hobbit movies, although this one is CLOSE to being as good as the Fellowship IMO. Need to see that extended version though.

For those who are keeping score, I generally order them like Two Towers, Return of the King, Fellowship, Five Armies, Desolation, Unexpected Journey.

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More Spoiler FILLED Thoughts After the Jump…

– I am really, really stunned that they didn’t have Thorin’s funeral on screen. I thought that was a huge moment in the book due to burying him with the Arkenstone. Plus, it would have been the moment to show that Dain was now King Under the Mountain as he was the next in line of the Durin folk. And another instance where Thandruil could come off… likable? Really odd that was completely left out. It was like some of the criticism about how long Return of the King’s ending was got to Jackson a bit and he just wanted to wrap it up.

– The really, really de-emphasized Beorn in this. I understand… having Beorn kill Azog (he killed Balg in the book) would be a huge let down after Thorin’s battles with Azog in the movie. It made more sense in the book. But still… I would have preferred Beorn to get a bit more focus in wiping out the Gundabad orcs. All we really got was a quick CGI transformation and that is it.

– Where the fuck did the Rams come from? Lol??

– Everytime they pictured someone flying, it looked terrible CGI wise. Whether it was Legolas riding the Bat or Beorn and Radagast on the Eagles, it just looked bad.

– Fucking BRUTAL deaths to Kili and Fili. Holy shit. I knew they would die but fuck mane.

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