Category Archives: movies

Why Spider-Man Being Added to the MCU Really, Really Sucks

A lot of people forget or do not know that the Avengers didn’t used to be popular. People didn’t give a flying fuck about Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, ect. That is just what Marvel was left with after selling off the rights to the much more popular X-Men and Spider. Hell, they even sold the rights to Blade, Punisher, Daredevil, and Fantastic Four while being stuck with the Avengers! It sounds nuts now but the only reason Iron Man and company are as popular as they are is because Marvel didn’t have any choice. That is all they were left with. They made do with what they had and thank god they did because it has become awesome.

This lack of the big dawgs (Spider-Man and X-men) have also lead to movies being made such as Guardians of the Galaxy and future movies such as C and D list Dr. Strange, Black Panther, Inhumans, ect. If Spidey and X-men were around, these movies simply would not have been in production because… why would you when you could make much more money with Spider-Man, Wolverine, and X-men. Financially it makes no sense.

Sadly, with a return of Spider-Man to Marvel (in some capacity), we are going to see the effects of an A list character mucking up shit for everyone else.

Already, Spider-man has taken a prime summer spot from Thor, pushing Thor 3 (called one of the most important movies by Fiege….) back into the fall. And it has sent a ripple effect through all the announced movies, pushing them all back by 4-6 months. Even my beloved Black Panther!

And when the Avengers all meet up… do you think Spider-Man or Dr. Strange is going to get more lines? In Civil War, you think they are going to cut Stark’s screen time or T’challa? When Phase 3 ends (and the contract of the big three end as well) and the Avengers possibly need a new leader other than Stark/Cap… you think Spider-Man is a possibility or Captain Marvel and Luke Cage?

If you are a fan of Spider-Man… this is great news. But fan of C-list characters? This fucking sucks. You have one more A lister (THE A lister at Marvel) stealing a movie slot every 3 years that would have went to some lesser known characters.

Listen, I like Spider-Man. But there is really nothing unique about him at this point in the movie world. There is nothing super interesting. He is just a prototypical hero… his only real defining feature is that he is in high school.

You want different? How about a race of people with mutant like powers when exposed to a mist lead by a king who can’t speak without blowing up a city (Inhumans). How about an African, genius, king who leads the most technological country in the world that has never been conquered by outside force (Black Panther). What about the Sorcerer Supreme!

Wanting Spider-Man with Marvel may be a “be careful what you wish for” thing for us peeps who prefer C-list heros.


Kingsman: The Secret Service Initial Reaction

Saw it yesterday, worth Every. Single. Fucking. Penny.

This movie was VIOLENT and earned its R rating, yet was also fun as hell. It didn’t take itself too seriously and just brought a violent (VIOLENCE!), fun, over-the-top spy movie.

Go see it and support R rated action movies that are actually good. We need more movies like this!

Full review up later this week.

Welcome To the Marvel Movie Universe Spidey!

Well its official. No, we don’t know 100% of the details but Spider-Man will officially be introduced to the Marvel Cinematic Universe!

This has been a long time coming. Spider-Man is in the top 3 most known super heroes in the whole world. He is easily Marvel’s top dog and has been well… for a long ass time. He appeals to kids, adults… everyone. He has one of the best and most known rogue galleries in comics period (only one better is Batman) including the likes of Green Goblin, Hobgoblin, Rhino. Doc Ock, Vulture, Venom, Carnage, The Jackal, Kraven the Hunter, Sandman, ect ect. Could we possibly have Goblin/Norman show up in say… an Avengers movie? Possibly Dark Reign? We can only hope…

And now we might actual get a good movie franchise for him. To be honest, I am not the biggest Spider-Man fan. His cartoon used to be awesome as a kid and his comics are sometimes epic… but I don’t follow his comics much anymore and his movies have been completely average in my view. Yes, even the beloved Toby Spider-Man. The reboot has been super hit or miss.. juggling between awesome and downright cringe worthy. So giving SOME control to Marvel is bound to improve things overall.

It also gives us a chance to see Spidey interact with the rest of the MCU, which could be cool as well. Could he be leading the Avengers after Infinity War? Maybe. Will this halt Sony’s desperate attempt at a Spidey Universe with the likes of “female spider-mans” and Sinister Six? We can only hope.

So where is what we do know in regards to the deal. And right now, I am only going to be positive because honestly, this news comes with some huge draw backs in my eyes.

1. Spider-Man will likely first appear in Captain America: Civil War. So, with the success of Winter Soldier + Iron Man in the movie + being post Age of Ultron + Spider-Man.. this movie is guaranteed to do over a billion dollars.

2. A new, rebooted Spider-Man will come July 27, 2017, moving Thor 3 from it spot and shifting everything forward.

3. Spider-Man is going back to high school and Garfield is OUT. That whole universe is out… we think.


The next article will go over why this news fucking sucks….

Finally, Fantastic Four Stuff!


Don’t confuse capslock for excitement over the movie. More just excitement to have my fears confirmed or denied at the movie. There have been small stuff leaked recently but Fox finally released a fucking trailer.


Ok? Wait is this a comic book movie or Prometheus 2?

I am down for different styles of comic book movies. X-men? Like most of them. Avenger’s Line? Love’em. Nolan Trilogy? Sign me up.

But… Fantastic Four all dark and realistic? A franchise that features a genius sorcerer who rules a country (Doom)? A franchise that features a giant, planet eating, universe balancing entity (Galactus)? That needs dark, gritty, realistic?

The movie doesn’t look BAD so to speak. It doesn’t look good either. It looks like a generic, scifi movie where space travel went bad. The only comic book bit about the whole damn thing is the 1 second of Human Torch lighting up and the one second “is that The Thing?” moment. Other than that… it looks like Interstellar or something.

F4 and Ant-Man are two “scary” comic book movies coming out this year. Both had pretty average-to-meh trailers. Both have weak-ish comic book history (don’t give me this FIRST FAMILY shit and FIRST AVENGER crap… F4 is getting cancelled for a reason and Ant-Man is Ant-Man).

But one is backed by Marvel and one is backed by Fox. There is the confidence difference right there.

So… doesn’t look like a train wreck but I’m not bursting in anticipation.

The biggest problem with everything this year… Avengers: Age of Ultron looks so good everything else looks boring as fuck in comparison.

The 2nd Avengers: Age of Ultron Trailer Was Perfect


This trailer is perfect.

Why you may ask? Because it did what trailers are supposed to do… tease you, make you think, make you come up with tons of fan theories about who/what/when, ect. All while not really showing you shit and telling you what is going to happen.

How much of a the plot do you really know from both trailers? Ultron gets created, Ultron goes ape shit, Hulk goes out of control… and thats pretty much all we REALLY know for sure. Sure, we can fan theory a bit (Scarlet Witch is likely messing with Hulk. Looks like Ultron is headed to Wakanda. Avengers are going to find Loki’s scepter. Ect). But cold hard fact? That is it.

The trailers keep adding more QUESTIONS than answers. Who is that black chick in the water? Shuri? A Dora? Who is eletracuting Thor? Witch? Enchantress? Someone from Wakanda?

And we still haven’t seen Vision. We aren’t sure if we have seen Ultron’s final form. Still unsure of the Twin’s roles.

Perfect perfect perfect. Last trailer I will watch. Not going to spoil this movie for myself.

The “Eh, it’s Marvel so I am sure it’s good” Ant-Man Trailer!

There are a few problems with Ant-Man from the get go and it has nothing to do with the potential quality of the movie.

1) While Ant-Man has SOME name recognition in the comic book world, he is still D-list for sure. And to the casuals, he is on the same level as Guardians of the Galaxy.

2) His main powers are not exactly… all that cool. He can shrink while retaining his man strength. Yay? And talk to ants… yay? At least in the comics, Ant-Man can also become Giant Man (such ingenious code names btw).

3) His rogue gallery sucks, to the point they had to basically make up a villain for this movie.

4) The movie is stuck between two 800+ million dollar, big action movies (Age of Ultron and Civil War). It simply cannot compete with them on a pure action scale. It would be impossible and laughable for them to try.

So, while I will admit, I was really, really let down by this trailer… I took a step back, collected myself, lowered my expectations, and watched it again.

And at that point, I enjoyed the trailer for what it is.

The trailer is on a MUCH smaller scale than Ultron blowing up the world. The story seems much more intimate with the core thing being about “family.” And after “stopping Malekith from destroying all the 9 worlds,” “Hydra ruling the world,” “Ronan destroying a whole planet, ” and “Ultron ruling Earth,” ….. a more intimate story may be necessary to kind of take a breath and relax after watching worlds almost be destroyed year after year.

And remember… this was a teaser. And it featured awesome Michael Douglas. We never really got any idea of what the action will be like and we never saw Wasp… I mean “Hope” Van Dyne either.

I have high hopes for this movie still. Even if the trailer is just “ok.”



A Look Back At My 10 Anticipated Movies of 2014

I thought it would be interesting to see if my pre-2014 expectations matched what was actually produced on screen.

Honorable Mention: Transformers 4, Ninja Turtles, Expendables 3
– Expendables was trash and it would have been off the list entirely if I heard it was PG13 before I made the list. Transformers was the same shit recycled and the 10 minutes of Dinobots didn’t make up for it. Ninja Turtles was GREAT in spots and STUPID AS HELL in other spots but it probably still earned the honorable mention spot.

#10: Hercules
– While not the movie I expected, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and it seems worthy to be on my list.

#9: The Amazing Spider-Man 2
– Swing and a miss here. I mentioned “something missing” about it in the lead up to the movie. The something missing was a coherent plot and a streamlined Spider-Man movie.

#8: Godzilla
– Hmmmm… didn’t quite live up to the hype. Sure, 10 minutes of the movie certainly did but the rest… nope, not at all.

#7: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
– Deserved its spot, probably deserved #6 in hindsight. Great movie… it being this low is a testament to the year, not the movie itself.

#6: 300: Rise of an Empire
– I keep forgetting this movie came out last year. While entertaining, #6 is way too high but it probably still sneaks in the top 10.

#5: The Raid 2
#4: X-Men: Days of Future Past
#3: Captain America: The Winter Soldier
#2: Guardians of the Galaxy
#1: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

– I pretty much nailed this. Sure, the order would change a touch but these were my favorite five movies this year.

Movies I Missed: There were a couple movies I missed, either because I wasn’t expected them to be worth a crap or they flew under the radar. Doubtful all of these would have made the top 10 but they should have at least been honorable mentions. Off the top of my head…

– John Wick
– Edge of Tomorrow
– The Lego Movie
– The Equilizer

2014 Shadow Awards!

Welcome to the 4th annual Shadow Awards!

This is where I rate the best of the best and the worst of the worst on various topics, mostly about movies of course. Once again, I can only rate what I have seen… so you won’t see some sappy ass shitty movie on here, but you will see Captain America.

The only movies mentioned that are not out of DVD yet are The Hobbit 3. There are some Hobbit spoilers and they are in RED so you can avoid them if you want.

And here… we… go!

Continue reading 2014 Shadow Awards!

Why “Battle of the Five Armies” Could Be the Best Middle Earth Movie Yet (SPOILER ALERT)

1) Death

– Death can be an effective tool in movies. It adds emotion, especially if it is an important character. It can give characters motivation. It can be used to show how bad ass a bad guy is. Ect.

LotR had death. Hell, the Fellowship seemingly killed two main characters (Gandalf and Boromir). Boromir’s death is one of the best scenes in any movie ever. Faramir’s near death isn’t far behind. Even though Gollum bounced back and forth between hero/villain/whatever… I felt horrible for him when he was incinerated. Preventing Eowyn’s death was on of Aragorn’s main motivation (and Elrond’s motivation to actually help). Hell, if you want to get fancy. Frodo’s soul was nuked in LotR.

The Hobbit so far… nothing. They tried to tease Thorin’s death in the first one when he got curb stomped by Azog, but come on, no one believed that shit for 4 minutes. They once again teased death a bit in Desolation of Smaug with Kili falling ill but it wasn’t very powerful at all in my opinion.

This all changes in Battle of the Five Armies. Thorin’s death should be huge… HUGE. They are effectively killing the main character of the movie. Even more emotional could be the deaths of Kili and Fili… Thorin’s nephews. They have gotten a lot of focus (along with Balin and Dwalin) and they will effectively end the line of King Thror.

And then there is the unknown Tauriel. Will they dare kill the only female in the whole movie? Maybe… maybe not. Who knows since she isn’t in the book. Ditto for Radagast… sure he was mentioned in the LotR book but he was nowhere to be seen in the LotR movie. Could Sauron disintegrate him?

Shits about to get real.

2) Biggest Battle Ever?

– I read in Entertainment weekly and heard in many reviews that the actual battle is pushing 45 minutes-ish. FUCK YES! An army of Dwarves lead by a dwarf on a battle pig? FUCK YES! An army of elves including a King on a moose? FUCK YES! Beorn. FUCK YES! If Gandalf uses the same powers he did in the book… FUCK YES!

This battle is going to be fucking huge. Hopefully, the different fighting styles of the Dwarves, Elves, Men, Goblins, Orcs, Bats, Beorn, Trolls, ect are apparent. This could make Helm’s Deep look small.

3) The White Council 

– People keep bitching about the “added stuff” to The Hobbit but…

We get to see Elrond, Galadriel, and Saruman kick ass… and people are bitching? Seriously?


4) The True Desolation of Smaug

– We get to see Smaug go apeshit. The destruction should be glorious. GLORIOUS I TELL YOU!

And then he takes a black arrow to the face (err heart) but whatever. Laketown is gonna get fucked.